As promised, here’s an update, with a bonus bad movie review! The above image is the first page of Fortune’s Passage Issue 3, which we should be releasing in the next year. FINALLY.
We were very productive today, with a layout for the Apprentice collected volume cover, another page of tones, lots of cleanup, book layout and one new illustration for the Apprentice nearly done. This illustration will probably end up as a poster, it’s snazzy.
Bad Movie Review – The Nightmare Castle
This was like a porn, but without the sex. The main actress was really good at playing a crazy person, but everybody else sucked. For a movie with multiple love triangles, murder, mayhem, ghosts coming back from the dead to wreak bloody vengeance, insanity, and vivisection, this was heartrendingly dull.
The main characters’ husband Steven (yes, he was both of their husband), murdered his first wife after catching her being ineptly kissed by the stable hand. But considering that he had totally blown her off for a “Guys Who Electrocute Frogs Convention”, you gotta get it from somewhere. She was probably one of the earliest examples of a WOW widow. So he killed her and her lover by electrocuting them. Then he cut out their hearts and gave her blood to his housekeeper, who was a total cock block earlier.
Unfortunately, whilst being tortured the first wife Muriel lets it slip that he’s not set to inherit anything and has left everything to her idiot step sister Jenny, who just so happens to be her non-biological twin with a bad blond wig. So as soon as Muriel dies, he runs off to the insane asylum where Jenny lives and marries her and brings her home. Because apparently these asylums don’t protect their female patients against this sort of thing.
Then begins plot number one of driving Jenny insane so Steven can get control of the estate. And he has the first of many inane arguments with the housekeeper who has been made young again by Muriel’s blood. And has apparently hooked up with Steven. When the characters in the story are having as hard of a time in keeping up with the plot line as you are, you know you are in trouble. Half of the housekeeper’s lines are variations of “You’re changing the plan again!”
To aid in this quest, Jenny’s doctor comes to visit; he appears to be more than just her doctor, with lots of hand holding and fond gazes. We suspect he was pushing the boundaries of the doctor/patient relationship with an eyeball towards her fortune.
Eventually Muriel’s ghost starts taking over dear, sweet, crazy pants Jenny who she never liked in the first place. This causes Jenny to do some odd things such as attempt to strangle her husband, wandering around in tombs, laughing like Kodachi, having random orgasms in her sleep and making out with her doctor. Like we said, this movie was like a porn, but without any sex.
Eventually, the doctor realizes something is up. Steven and the housekeeper have a few more inane arguments and then resolve to murder the doctor and then steal Jenny’s blood. Because the first plan of driving her crazy and keeping the money is now off the table. The plot to murder the doctor involved an interesting home wiring project that involved the doc’s bathtub. But they got butler instead, who appeared ONLY get murdered in this scene. Too bad Steven didn’t listen to the housekeeper’s advice and just poison him. So they stop bothering to try anymore and just let the doc leave, because he wasn’t dangerous after all. Again, these are the world’s most inept villains.
After the doc leaves, they take Jenny downstairs to drain her blood to keep the housekeeper young. In the meantime doc returns and finds Muriel and the stable hand’s hearts that Steven for some reason stabbed with a dagger, stored in a fish tank full of formaldehyde and then hid in one of those random “lovers” statues. This brings them both back to life where Muriel then lets it be known that death turns you into a dominatrix. And Steven, in his infinite wisdom, believes that she’s come back to show him a good time and goes off with her only to be killed when she sets him on fire.
In the meantime, the stable hand goes and exacts revenge on the housekeeper for ratting him out to the master by disconnecting her from Jenny’s iv. After exacting their gory revenge they then turn on the doc and Jenny who make a run for it. The doc saves them by flinging the hearts into the fire, thus killing them deader. Proving that if you’re going to be a horror coming back from the dead, you shouldn’t allow people to hallucinate ways to make you dead again.
So Min slept through this one. Final conclusion, these people don’t how to make out. And geeks should always put their wives before the “Guys Who Electrocute Frogs Conventions”.